Thursday, December 12, 2013

Unconditional Love

"Unconditional Love" 

The intention and energetic imprint from this image is to enhance the ability to give and receive unconditional to ourselves and to others. Two angels, twin flames, are grounded with each other, hand to hand, heart to heart, mind to mind, soul to soul, experiencing the soul connection of pure unconditional love. 

I've been thinking about unconditional love ever since I put this image up on my website and facebook page. I created this image from a photo of my daughter Andi that I'd taken a year ago or so. I truly believe I have unconditional love for that girl. She could screw up in big ways and I'd still love her the same..... I might get annoyed at her, I might give her a lecture (my lectures are legendary and widely dreaded, probably because I'm always right, or at least that's what I tell myself), but the level of love wouldn't diminish.

That being said, it's easy to love your child or your pet unconditionally but is it possible to love another adult human being unconditionally who isn't your child? Could unconditional love be unhealthy in certain circumstances? 

The definition of unconditional love is " love without limits and with no conditions". Hey that sounds awesome until you think about this.... "Sure honey, you can beat the crap out of me and verbally abuse me.  I love you unconditionally and will stick with you no matter what."  What the...? My ass..... So there has to be limits, there has to be conditions or a person could find themselves abused or a doormat.

So what's the answer.... Is unconditional love just a goal for the spiritual types, the romantics, and the delusional?  I'm thinking that maybe something we forget to do is to have unconditional love for ourselves first and foremost.  

I want to love myself the way I love Andi. I would always want the best for myself, period. My biggest objectives would be happiness, healthiness and love, no matter which door I choose to open, or which direction my path takes me.

I wouldn't beat myself up when I make mistakes and would forgive myself instead. I'd learn my life lessons, and move forward as a wiser person without dragging along a bunch of baggage full of guilt, regrets and shame. (man, that sh*t is heavy!) I wouldn't subject myself to any abuse or anything that's demeaning, restrictive and controlling. I would put my own health and happiness at the top of the priority list.

If we can do that, it might be possible to love another adult unconditionally, we can respect their path and their timing for self improvement.  We can accept them for who they are, we can love them no matter what they do. Their path is their own and has nothing to do with us.

However, since we love ourselves first and foremost, we'll remove ourselves from any situation that feels ugly and dysfunctional and distance ourselves from toxic people.  It might take awhile, it'll definitely take courage and lots of it, but anything that triggers stress, fear, depression, or any other negative emotions is not in our best interest unless work is actively being done from both sides. If mutual effort is missing, never to be found, believe in the right to have happiness.  Learn the lessons and move on to the next adventure. Trust that things always work out for the best.

What if we can't get out for some reason. Change your thoughts, adjust your flow. Feeling pissed and dangerous in response to an a-hole? Look for that dial in your brain, and turn it down to the "impartial observer" setting, or better yet, the "love" setting... we can adjust our flow and it's almost that easy. Don't get sucked into their vortex by sending them hateful energy darts of  judgment and anger.  Send thoughts of compassion instead, it'll help them, but most importantly, it will help us. 

What if we're being abused in any way? Leave, period. If they try to help themselves (without our micromanaging), come back if it feels good. If it feels bad, adios. There's something better out there for us, trust that. 

This is an important lesson I've learned:  I can't change anyone, their path is their own and none of my business. Would I want someone to dictate to me that I'm inferior and must change my ways now or else I'm history? Lol, yeah right...

We need to stay focused on our own paths and our own emotional growth and stability, that's really the only thing that we have true control over. Trying to control and change another adult is an exercise in futility. That's not unconditional love, that's a black hole of effort that gets us nowhere but frustrated and codependent. (Beware of codependency, holy sh*t, brutal!) 

If their path is one of self destruction, either commit to being there when they fall (because they will) and accept the inevitable without judgment (so easy to say, so hard to do!) or cut them loose and forgive ourselves for doing what we need to do to take care of ourselves.

After all of that thinking, here's my personal definition of Unconditional Love (which is subject to change as I get smarter!):  The ability to accept and love ourselves (first and foremost) and others for exactly who we are right now, for who we used to be, and for who we will become, with no judgments, no limits, no conditions, no boundaries, and honor each person's individual path and timing... Happiness, healthiness and love are the main objectives no matter which way they take us. 

Ride the wave, go with the flow, have no fear of change. It's a challenge, but a noble steps are good. 

Until next time....